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Hard Knox

State GOP legislators declare Tennessee a ‘right to die’ state

Feb 10, 2015 08:57PM ● Published by Diana Bogan

NASHVILLE, TN. With their 7-4 anti-affordable-insurance vote last week in the Tennessee Senate Health Committee, seven legislators helped Tennessee become a “right to die” state.

After the seven defeated Gov. Bill Haslam’s “Insure Tennessee” plan and killed any hopes for insurance-less Tennesseans to get affordable health care, one of the seven, Sen. Frank Niceley, R-Strawberry Plains, announced Tennessee’s exciting change in status.

“By our overwhelming vote to prevent 280,000 low-income Tennesseans from having access to health care, we have designated Tennessee a place where you are free to die – especially if you are poor,” Niceley proclaimed. “We in the GOP Superdupermajority believe this move will make our great state even more attractive to low-paying employers. Because poor people will be literally dying to get any job that can help them pay their medical bills.”

Another of the “nay” voters, Sen. Todd Gardenhire, R-Chattanooga, explained the philosophy behind designating Tennessee as a right-to-die state.

“We won’t provide you with health care, but we do guarantee you the right to die from lack thereof,” he said. “Because you, as a citizen, being able to drop dead at any time from entirely preventable conditions is the kind of freedom we know Tennesseans value.”

Niceley said the vote was spurred by distrust of the federal government.

“Yes, it stemmed from our distrust of the federal government,” he explained. “And when I say that, I want to make clear that it’s not just code for ‘We really, really, really hate President Obama.’ It’s not like that at all. We just really, really, really distrust the federal government. And I expect we will continue to really, really, really distrust the federal government for a while yet – say, for about two years, until around the presidential inauguration on January 20, 2017.”

Gardenhire added that, thanks to Tennessee’s new status as a right-to-die state, he and the six other health-care-insurance-killers were mulling the introduction, when the legislative session resumes, of a bill to develop a Tennessee-based reality TV show, tentatively titled “The Health Care Games,” modeled after the popular “Hunger Games” books and movies.

“In ‘The Hunger Games,’ poor citizens battle each other to the death for goods at the decree of an uncaring government,” he said. “We could do the same thing with health care for poor Tennesseans. It’s a killer concept.”

Niceley said another benefit of Tennessee’s new status was “boom times for coffin makers, funeral directors, and gravediggers.”

He then announced that Tennessee’s right-to-die label had already attracted a new business, the Center for Anti-Vaccination Experimentation, Technical Research, Outreach, Licensing and Litigation (CAVETROLL).

Anti-vaccinators believe surviving preventable diseases makes individuals more resistant to the diseases. So, the CAVETROLL will gather samples of lethal diseases, such as Ebola, AIDS, smallpox, and SARS, plus diseases that have been virtually wiped out through vaccines, like polio and yellow fever, and expose test subjects to them to improve their health.

“This anti-vax center will provide an incredible opportunity for the poor to be employed as test subjects,” Niceley promised. “It’s a great chance for them to become healthier than they’ve ever been. After all, ‘What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger,’ right?”

He added that Christian crusader June Griffin would head the center. Griffin mostly recently gained attention for, at Niceley’s invitation, opening the special "Insure Tennessee" legislative session with an anti-insurance screed disguised as an invocation.

The CAVETROLL is also expected to partner with the conservative think tank, Beacon Center for Tennessee, and the Koch-Brothers-funded conservative political advocacy group, Americans for Prosperity. These groups helped legislators decide how to vote on Insure Tennessee by providing misleading information about it and threatening to support primary challengers to the legislators next year if they voted for the program.

“With guidance from these influential groups, I feel certain the CAVETROLL’s work will yield similar, highly satisfactory results,” Niceley said.

Of the seven pro-preventable-death Republican senators who voted against Insure Tennessee, six receive taxpayer-subsidized health insurance through the state of Tennessee. They are: Niceley, Gardenhire, Mike Bell of Riceville, Brian Kelsey of Germantown, Kerry Roberts of Springfield and Health Committee Chairman Rusty Crowe of Johnson City. The seventh, Janice Bowling, does not take taxpayer-subsidized health insurance through the state. Instead, she qualifies for the federally funded Medicare insurance.

He added that he believes the CAVETROLL would become a true symbol of what the seven Tennessee Senate Republicans’ vote to kill affordable health insurance means to Tennessee.

— Scott McNutt, Mocksville Reporter

From APB Reports.

News Humor Scott McNutt Mocksville Reporter

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