Skip to main content

Hard Knox

Knox Welcomes Big Mouths Festival 2015

Dec 14, 2014 09:31PM, Published by Diana Bogan, Categories: News Mocksville Reporter, Humor



For several years, Scott McNutt penned his own unique take on the local news in his columns “Snarls” (Metro Pulse) and “Snark Bites” (The News Sentinel). These were my favorite local humor columns and I looked forward to them every week, so it’s no exaggeration to say that I’m genuinely excited to announce that his surreal musings on the political landscape will be one of our regular humor features, this time under the name of “The Mocksville Reporter.” – J.J. Stambaugh, Editor

MOCKSVILLE, TN. -- Stoking the excitement of local political aficionados, top participating politicians have been named for Knox County's Big Mouths Festival 2015.

The ego-inflating event featuring local politicians has become a regular accompaniment to AC Entertainment's more diverse, harmonious and entertaining Big Ears music festival each spring.

The main Big Mouths attraction this year will be those emperors of political infighting, those big cheeses of bureaucratic battling, that duo of deafening governmental disharmony, Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett and Knox County Schools Superintendent Jim McIntyre. They will be debating -- in between personal put-downs -- such topics as:


  • The upcoming audits of some schools system departments;
  • The recent misdeeds of some schools system officials, which triggered those upcoming audits (and the firings of said officials);
  • Whether an $8.5 million school reading program the county is funding is worth the price tag (and whether anyone can explain how the $8.5 million was spent to begin with);
  • And, finally, whether the two feudists can stand standing on the same stage together without biting each other's head off.
Known onstage as the "Timmy & Jimmy Shouting Match," the twosome is likely to perform some of their best-loved classics. These include "Whose Budget Is It, Anyway?" a paean to the duo's annual squabble over the schools' budget and "We Can't Work It Out," a reworking of The Beatles' hit, acknowledging the pair's irreconcilable differences. Inside sources indicate the duo is also planning to debut a rendition of Pat Benatar's "Hell Is for Children," an admission that the tandem's continual bickering only hurts Knox County's kids.

Also getting top billing is former Knox County Commission Chairman Scott Moore, whose perpetual smirk once was known countywide. Fresh off his recent reentry into the Knox County government workforce, Moore (or "Scooby," as he dubs himself onstage) will make a triumphant return to Big Mouths. His hiatus from public life after being found guilty in 2008 of perjury in the notorious Black Wednesday case and removed from the commission has forced him to miss several Big Mouths festivals.

Now working for Sheriff Jimmy "J.J." ("Dy-No-Mite!") Jones, Moore is thrilled to be back in the limelight and doing his bit for the county.

"I just wanted to give back to the community, and the best way I know to give back is by taking a taxpayer-funded paycheck from the county," the humble "It just buffoons me" man said.

Moore is expected to perform a fresh repertoire inspired by his new position, including "How to Succeed in Government without Really Knowing Anything except the Sheriff's Phone Number," "Crony," (based on Pink Floyd's "Money"), and "Crony, Crony" (derived from Tommy James' "Mony, Mony").

Also appearing will be members of the remaining hapless Democratic rump in the Tennessee General Assembly. They will perform their pantomime, "No Mas," signifying their capitulation to Republican control of the state. The Tennessee GOP Superduper-Majority, in contrast, will present an encore of its highly successful anti-abortion, anti-rational tax base, anti-reasonable gun regulation, anti-poor people, anti-female people, anti-people of color, anti-non-heterosexual people, anti-non-Christian people, anti-non-big business people - well, simply put, it's an anti-"Anybody who ain't us" song-and-dance routine. It's expected to be one of the show's highlights.

Enduring performance artist and former state senator Stacey Campfield was not among the politicians so far announced, but rumors are flying that the Boy from New York City could make a surprise appearance. Campfield is best known for his political rabble-rousing skits like "Let's Starve Poor Children So They Make Better Grades," "The Gay Community Is the Biggest Bully Out There," and "Bullying Is the Biggest Lark Out There."

Campfield refused to comment on the rumors, only gesturing with his middle finger to the last entry on his blog, posted immediately after former Knox County Commissioner/Colonel/ Doctor/Now State Senator Richard M. Briggs, M.D., crushed him in the state Republican primary. The post reads: "That was fun” above a video of Frank Sinatra singing "I Did It My Way."

More Big Mouths will be announced as they are confirmed.

By Scott McNutt
From API Bulletins.



Humor Mocksville Reporter


It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

  • STFK Internet Cafe

    09/24/2017
    09:30AM — 10:30AM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


  • STFK Church (Weekly)

    09/24/2017
    10:30AM — 12:00PM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

  • STFK Internet Cafe

    09/24/2017
    09:30AM — 10:30AM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


  • STFK Church (Weekly)

    09/24/2017
    10:30AM — 12:00PM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


  • STFK Internet Cafe

    10/01/2017
    09:30AM — 10:30AM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


  • STFK Church (Weekly)

    10/01/2017
    10:30AM — 12:00PM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


  • STFK Internet Cafe

    10/08/2017
    09:30AM — 10:30AM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...


  • STFK Church (Weekly)

    10/08/2017
    10:30AM — 12:00PM

    STFK is Spirit and Truth Fellowship of Knoxville, a pro-science Evangelical Christian Church meet...